Looking back at the past year and a half, it's hard to not feel nostalgic. I mean I am a high school sophomore nearing the start of those final two years of the "act" called high school. It's hard to believe really that I have grown so much since when I first created this blog in eighth grade because of a coding ability started on the oddest platform ever - wattpad.
Since I haven't published one in awhile I thought that it was only right to fill you in on some of the details of my life. (Especially since I left you on a cliff hanger with my last "h.s. diary" post, but so much has happened and to say the least life has gotten in the way of me sitting down and writing a post as personal as this one.) Nevertheless here I am giving you the update of a lifetime on the busyness that is my life.
This past semester my school has seen a large growth in students. Since I go to a private school that tries to cap grade levels at 50 it's quite uncommon to see any one grade come close to that mark, but like what I've come to find out about everything school related. Nothing is too out of the ordinary especially for the class graduating in 2019 (aka my grade). Not only are we nearing that 50 student limit, but we are easily the largest grade in the whole upper/high school. With this being said you would expect that at least a few of these new students would end up in at least one of my classes. Somehow I underestimated the power of scheduling because timing is everything, especially when it comes to friends and relationships.

For instance if my counselor had allowed me to drop art for journalism I would've never met one of my closest friends. Or if one of my best friends hadn't been sick this past Friday, I would've never had a one-on-one conversation with a person who has quickly become a favorite of mine in chemistry. (Let's try to ignore how ironic it is that I have chemistry with a guy in my chemistry class.)

At the same time though I can't ignore the negative impact time has had on some of my relationships. For instance one of my first friends at my school no longer talks to me because of new friends she found at basketball. Or the fact that after this school year my "group" will probably split up since the person who has always held us together is moving to another school.


I try not to avoid the use of this word mainly because in the end it is a choice you make and the consequences of reciprocated (or unreciprocated) love is yours to hold alone, but after having a "heart-to-heart" with one of my new favorite people it's hard to not rethink my stance. Before anyone comments that I put my emotions on the line too quickly please realize that despite the title of this section, I am not in love with this person, simply because I don't believe in insta-love, but I can't ignore my attraction to this person.
He transferred to my school at the start of this past semester and has quickly built himself a reputation of being one of the most polite people in the school. He was brought here to play basketball and after watching him practice I have no doubt that he'll do just that. During chemistry we spoke about everything and anything, from the assignment to his transition here, to watching the Grammys. Unsurprisingly he wanted to talk about basketball and soccer. (Quick fact: He and I have both started to play our sports at age 4.)

During English he let me watch funny vine videos and we shared earbuds, an event so small, but special, at least in my opinion. During history we shared jokes and goofed off with some of his friends (plus he gave me his seat so that I could sit with one of my best friends). This past week he wore a turtleneck and I joked that he looked like the Rock (don't ask how I remembered that meme). All of this may not mean anything to you, but to me it meant the world. Could this be another senseless crush? Maybe, but I can't wait to see what happens and where we'll go from here.

There's no skirting the fact that unrequited love regardless of what side of the coin you're on sucks. I posted a few weeks ago a diary entry, which honestly I was going to take down until I realized that my experience could help someone. Because of my experience in this realm I thought that it would be super helpful to list 6 tips for dealing with unrequited love. I plan on making a YouTube video also, but thought that it would be better received once the situation had died down at school. :)

d i s c l a i m e r:
* I refer to the person in question as "them" and my "(ex)-crush"
* Identities have been purposefully changed to keep the privacy of those involved.
* If you happen to be a person involved reading this...you know that this is my safe place.

1. "It's not YOU, it's THEM"

It took me awhile to understand that I didn't need to change myself to fit the mold my crush seemed to like (which if I'm being super petty was ditsy and blonde). During moments like these it is super important to ask yourself "Why am I trying to force a relationship that God is clearly saying is not meant to be at the present moment?" If you believe that God has a reason for everything, you should have no need to try and open a door that has been closed by Him at this time.

2. It's Normal to Feel Jealous

When I found out that my crush liked one of my best friends, I wanted to hurt not only him, but my friends too who had nothing to do with the situation. I'll be the first to admit that my sadness quickly became anger especially since the guy in question liked two of my good friends. Will I say that jealousy is the right emotion to feel in this situation, no, but will I admit that it is perfectly natural, heck to the yes! Don't ever let anyone tell you that you aren't "feeling correctly". Remember that some things are outside of your control and that you can not force someone else to like you. Also realize that it is okay to go through a "grief" period for what could've been.  (At the same time though make sure to take note of your moods and make sure that a "crush gone wrong" doesn't trigger an emotion much worst than jealousy--depression.)

3.  Don't Make a Rash Decision

In my instance, the guy in question did ask for a certain type of picture (this really should've been red flag #1). An action that I am now super thankful I did not go through with (I'm telling you God blessed me with wisdom on that one). Don't degrade yourself by taking pictures for a person you're not in a relationship with. And if you're like me and decided against doing something that is (totally) against the law for minors don't feel remorse and think that this one event would've changed their feelings. If anything it would've caused them to lose respect for the person you are. Remember that you are treasured in the eyes of God and that this is the only thing that truly matters.

4. Don't Burn the Bridge

I've seen myself give this advice plenty of times to by younger siblings and close friends (and honestly never thought I'd need it myself). Even if you find out later that a relationship with you and another person isn't going to work, it is super important not to burn that bridge.

Which before I go on let me digress and say please do not spread rumors about your ex-crush, 9 times out of 10 they will find out and you will end up looking bad (just from my experience as a bystander).

 In my case I go to a high school (a private school at that) and since the person in question is in nearly all of my classes (and probably will be for the rest of my high school career) it would be stupid of me to go out of my way to ruin the relationship.

Don't betray their trust in you because of something they really can't control. This is another one of those times where you have to accept the fact that you can't control the situation. Then again would you really want to force attraction between you and another person? Also remember that this does not mean that things must "go back to the way they were" if you need space or just want to take it back down to from "besties" to acquaintances be my guest. Forgiving does not excuse the fact that your feelings were hurt in the process.

5. Distance Yourself from the Person or Situation

If you happen to be a student or even a person in a small workplace, I totally understand how hard it can be to distance yourself from your (ex)-crush. Since I go to a small private school I dealt with my fair share of this because (as I said in my last diary entry) most of the girl's soccer team thought that me and my crush were dating even though this was far from the truth. This doesn't even count the small things my friends did whenever I happened to be around him in the many classes we shared. To say the least it was painful to go through, but I'm that much stronger because of this. I hate to say it, but if you are in a position like mine it is one of those few times where I had to force myself to "get over it". For me that meant focusing on what really mattered: my relationship with God, my grades, family, soccer, and making sure I scored at least a 30 on the ACT. When you switch your focus to the things that truly matter in life it becomes that much easier to ignore the constant noise in the background.

To clarify: distance doesn't have to mean finding a distraction though, sometimes it can mean taking a social media cleanse or just unfollowing (or ignoring) them on a select few platforms.

Touching back on point #4, deciding not to burn a bridge does not mean that everything goes back to normal. If you feel the need to take a break from texting the person, feel free. In fact it is probably healthier to stay away from them during the time you take to recover from the relationship. Just remember that there is a difference between distance and being petty.

 [Word of advice needlessly unfollowing them from every social media platform is petty, but picking the two or three you would see (or be reminded) of them most on is distance.]

6. Treat Yourself

For me that's in the form of good TV, research, and writing. After finding out who my crush liked I proceeded to down a cup of green tea and try to get some sleep (at least before deciding that I was better off writing a blog post on the situation haha) Even if the relationship never got past snapchat it is so important to treat yourself and make sure that you are still mentally okay. This is also where it is so important that you surround yourself with positive people and someone you can confide the situation too (without having to worry about them telling someone else). I can't say enough how much I'm thankful for the friends and mother who sat ad listened me go on-and-on about a relationship that was never became more than a good friendship. Even if you have never been in this position, if a friend has confided in you information anything like mine, let me just thank you for them. Sometimes all it takes to get someone back to their cheery mood is a good laugh.

In honor of my own school's college tour I decided to go ahead and blog about the schools that I visited this past summer. I do apologize in advance for the slightly random content, but this is what I wanted to show on my blog. :)

I visited 5ish colleges this past summer and found something enjoyable in each and every one of them. My family decided to take a road trip from Alabama to D.C. and decided to stop at various colleges for my own viewing pleasure. Hope you enjoy the insight I learned from visiting each of these colleges and the "insiders advice" I give from meeting with college advisers on their campuses. Without further ado let's get started.

Our first stop was in North Carolina, and I'm sure you can guess the two places we stopped at --Duke and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Both campuses were amazing in the history and educational experiences they offer.

University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

This campus is nothing short of beautiful. We just so happened to arrive just in time for summer graduations and were met with a whole lot of student traffic, but it was still great.

Since we arrived on a weekend (and a graduation weekend at that) we decided to take a self guided tour. Not only did I get to pretend I was a student, but I also got to see a bunch of the cute spots on campus (while of course taking more than my fair share of pictures haha).

This campus has so much history like being the first state university to open its doors because of a constitutional charter or having a plaque that actually recognizes the students who challenged a speaker ban in 1966. (The students wanted to hear from a slightly radical civil liberties activist.)

It also had a large library on campus which  was very gorgeous whiI'm not going to lie warmed me even more to the campus.

The whole campus contained so much history literally in each-and-every nook/cranny. Definitely recommend a visit especially if you're a history buff.

The whole campus was pretty quaint and quiet even with the graduation, and was adorned with well landscaped areas. If I was grading campuses on beauty alone this one would get a definite A!  :)

Louis Round Wilson Library

 

Are you looking for a slightly sultry makeup look for Valentine's day? Check out my latest video on YouTube before everyone else does!